I recently participated in FORM's new Ask the Associate column in their newsletter. I'm happy to share my contribution about caring for the caregiver below. Check out Friends of RIE, Minnesota at www.theformnetwork.org
"I know intellectually that self-care is important but, it is really a struggle to find time just for me. How does the Educaring® Approach guide us with regard to self-care? Where can we begin to set some boundaries in order to care for ourselves?"
First of all, it is impossible to meet all your needs if you are the sole person meeting your child’s needs. You will simply not have enough time. I firmly believe that taking care of a baby requires multiple people working in shifts. We as a human species evolved in large family groups, with many caregivers contributing to nurturing each child. Even tasks like breastfeeding were shared between multiple adults! Taking care of a baby is not a one-person job. It’s not even a two-person job. Most families achieve a better balance with at least three regular caregivers.
These caregivers can be parents, other adults in the household, relatives, or paid caregivers. Trading child care with other parents or participating in a nanny share can be a good economical option for people who don’t have extended family nearby. Children under three years should only be cared for by people they have the opportunity to form a long-term attachment relationship with, in other words, they should have the same people taking care of them consistently.
Finding this balance will give you time to take care of many of your personal needs like exercising, being creative, working outside the home, and socializing with friends. However, you will still need to take care of yourself all day long, every day, including when you are with the baby! This is where Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach becomes truly essential.
A Safe Play Space
Set aside a room or part of a room in your home to be exclusively for your baby to play in during their waking hours. Crawling children need at least a ten-by-ten foot area to move around in, something bigger and sturdier than a classic hexagonal playpen. The space must be gated and completely safe and free for play. The goal is that you can leave your baby in this space while you are out of eyesight and feel completely secure that they will not come to harm. Set up this space with some interesting simple toys (but not everything the baby owns) and use it daily! Having this safe space set up means you have the option of stepping away from your baby to do luxurious things like go to the bathroom alone, make yourself a cup of tea, or cook dinner for the family.
Spend time sitting quietly in the play space with your baby every day, just being present and attentive. You do not need to “play” with your baby, in fact, it is better if you do not. If you simply observe and let your baby lead any games that they invent (and they will!), you will foster their ability to play independently and make it easier for you to step away, as you must. This quality time helps children know how appreciated and loved they are, just for being who they are now, just for doing what they are already doing. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give to children: our time.
Giving children this time is also a gift for ourselves. If we spend a few minutes each day giving the baby 100% of our attention, the baby will be more amenable to us moving away to take care of our own needs.
Nurturing Time Together
Magda Gerber described another type of time when we are attentive to our babies: during caregiving routines. If, again, we give children 100% of our attention during these tasks which we are doing with our baby anyways, for example diapering, feeding, and bathing, the baby will be more ready to engage in independent play in their safe space once these tasks are done. These routines